Many years ago, I read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Today, I have some friends, but no influence whatsoever. Still, I did pick up a few pointers from the book that I still use today. Some of the most useful have to do with remembering names.

Mr. Carnegie advised that when we meet someone new, we should try to use his or her name often in the ensuing conversation. "Nice to meet you, Bill. Isn't the weather nice, Bill? Is that spaghetti sauce on your jacket, Bill?" Meanwhile, look closely at Bill until your mind begins to associate his name with his appearance -- or until he says, "I'm not Bill."

According to Dale Carnegie, this was the strategy used by Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of THE Napoleon. Napoleon the Third bragged that despite his busy life as emperor, he could remember the name of every person he'd ever met, which had to be easier back then when so many people were named Napoleon.

We have many more names to remember today and, even using this tip, we may occasionally find ourselves forgetting a name. Mr. Carnegie and Napoleon the Third may have had many friends and vast influence, but they had no suggestions at all for this predicament. So I’ve come up with my own.

First, before it happens to you again, come to an agreement with your husband or significant other that if you fail to introduce, it doesn’t necessarily mean you lack manners, although you might. It simply means that you can’t remember the person’s name and they should not press the issue by saying, “Dear, where are your manners?”

Of course, there is a chance that under these circumstances, the Nameless Face may actually come to your rescue and introduce herself. Then you can say, “I’m sorry! I thought you’d met.”

You could also try introducing your spouse and hope that Nameless Face will pipe up with her own name. I’ll demonstrate: “This is my husband, (fill in name which presumably you know.)” Then stop. Nameless Face and your spouse will both look at you expectantly, waiting for the other half of the introduction. Smile back at them, but say nothing. If Nameless Face has any manners at all, she’ll jump in after a few seconds of dead air with, “I’m So and So.” Then you can say, “I’m sorry. Where are my manners?” This way, So and So will not know that you forgot her name, although she may think you have no manners.

The situation becomes more complex when you encounter Nameless Face/Uncertain Identity. Recently, I ran into a couple at the grocery store who spoke enthusiastically for five minutes about a variety of benign topics, including the weather and the joys of grocery shopping. Meanwhile, I was thinking, “Who are you, and why are you talking to me?”

The best strategy in this situation is to make a quick escape, but they had me cornered by the frozen foods. So I smiled and encouraged their chatter, sure that if they talked long enough, eventually they would give some clue to their identities. When that didn’t happen, I became convinced that they had me confused with someone else. I excused myself, thinking how embarrassed they were going to be when they saw that person the next time. Then as I slipped away, the woman said, “It was good to see you, Dorothy.” Lucky guess.

That brings me to the most complex situation of all: Wrong Name/Wrong Person/Wrong Everything. Recently I bumped into an acquaintance. I greeted her warmly, but she remained reserved—even cold. I tried harder. She backed away. Maybe she didn’t remember my name. Or maybe she just didn’t like me anymore.

But as she hurried away, it hit me: She was not who I thought she was. Not only did she not know my name, she didn’t know ME. Nor did she want to. One more person I’ll never have any influence over.

You can contact Dorothy Rosby at drosby@rushmore.com or Visit Her Site.