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I’ve worked with many couples in remarriage who come to therapy wondering why their “blended” family is not so blended. They’ve been trying as much as possible to be one big happy family and the kids (who we seem to forget may have an opinion about this) just aren’t cooperating.
These couples want to know why it’s so hard. Like Rodney King, they wonder, “Can we all just get along?”
One of the first things I tell them is that there is nothing wrong with them and the blame needs to be placed with the “blended family myth” that has been perpetuated for way too long.
The long and short of it is this: Families are not Osterizer blenders.
It is unrealistic to believe that you can take children who come from a completely different family, rules, traditions and history and expect them to blend with other children from another equally different family system. Even in families with the biological parents and children, it is unrealistic and unhealthy to expect children to be clones of one another.
The goal is not to emulate the Brady Bunch but rather to create a home where there is mutual respect, kindness and acknowledgment of the unique ways each individual functions and lives in the family and in the world.
Mary
www.challengingtransitions.com
www.marriedwithbaggage.com
I agree. Mutual respect is keep in a family.
I know that this is what kept my siblings and parents close together.
We valued and continue to value each others feelings and ideas, and support one another with everything we do.
Thanks for the advice Mary.
Thanks for the comment Stephanie! Mutual respect is really pretty simple, when people are just willing to be open.
Your family sounds awesome!
Mary
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