Men Don't Listen and Women Nag - Survey!

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A new survey has reinforced what many already believe men do not listen, women nag and couples argue most about money and parenting.

The survey commissioned by Relationship Services, and funded by Telecom's Community Connection programme and the Lottery Grants Board, found 78 percent of couples experience ongoing disagreements.

Of those, 40 percent disagreed about money, 31 percent about work pressures, 29 percent about time pressures, 26 percent bickered over housework and 25 had disagreements about sex.

Relationship Services spokeswoman Hilary Smith said most people learn to deal with disagreements and those who seek counselling usually do so for the issues that arise regularly.

"Even in the happiest, longest lasting of relationships, couples disagree."

The survey found couples in newer relationships (3-7 years) argued more than those in long term relationships (over 21 years).

It also revealed that couples with children disagreed more than those without.

Eighty six percent of people with children at home were likely to argue compared with 68 percent of those without children.

"Having children at home intensifies the stresses on parents but it also makes a difference to the way people deal with disagreements. Parents were more likely to take a team approach...because more is at stake," Ms Smith said.

Of the men questioned 30.7 percent said nagging was a problem with their partners while 40.5 percent of women said not listening was.

"We were not surprised that the survey found a difference between men and women around communication."

Ms Smith said the disagreements were a normal part of a relationship.

"For a quarter of people, disagreements and how they dealt with them actually had a positive impact on how they felt about their relationship and their partner."

Source, men




Member Comments

    • whatscooking wrote Jul 9, 2008

    • well, from the stand point of a woman married almost 30 years, we rarely fight. disagreements aren’t that common either. I guess we’ve been together so long, we not only finish what the other says, we know what we‘re going to say before it leaves our brains! LOL


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    • azdana wrote Jul 9, 2008

    • I've been thinking about this survey...and about disagreements. First, *whatscooking! * I admire you and your husband for being married almost 30 years! Congrats. I would love to have that level of comfort and safety in my marriage and hope to keep working towards that goal! You are an inspiration for me!!!

      Second, I think I’ve mentioned before that my husband and I have been married twice to each other…well…one of the issues that came up for us when I went to counseling, alone—in our “first” marriage was that we never had a disagreement…so when big issues in our “first” marriage started happening we could not handle them because we didn’t know how to discuss them. When we communicate in our current marriage, it is hard to argue or disagree with each other and we do it so sloppily. When we raise our voices to one another we cry. In a marriage disagreements arise. We all have different needs, at different times, and it is a way to communicate. It is not a happy way to communicate and is a very painful way for couples to communicate If after a disagreement you can try to work out the problem, it is always better for the relationship. Hopefully, unlike the end to my “first” marriage (I know it sounds weird) which ended in a very painful divorce because we could never argue or say the things that needed to be said…we will be able to work through the disagreements in our current marriage and return to a better way of communication…after all I think communication is the key to a great marriage. Thanks for a great topic, Stephanie! Dana


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    • stephanie wrote Jul 19, 2008

    • Hi Dana,

      You will have that level of comfort it just takes time and patience… and by no means am I saying that it is easy, but it is definitely beautiful to be in a relationship with somebody you love for so long.

      I am so interested in hearing about you being married to your husband 2x. What made you get back together? I hope you write a blog about this!!! : )


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    • azdana wrote Jul 19, 2008

    • Yes, it is quite a story!! And long…I will blog about it, when I have the energy…it does seem to be coming out in bits and pieces for me here on Fabulously 40. I think I will sit next week and tell our story on a blog…it probably will bore you all to tears! But it is sweet and I don’t think unique to us, because when I tell it…others have said that they also have gone through this same type of thing! So, anyway, I will sit for awhile and gather my thoughts before I plunge into my version of our story! (I’m sure my husband has a very different side to the story – but nonetheless, we find ourselves working through a great life together with the good, bad and wonderful experiences that life has to offer!)

      Blog with you soon!...by the way, I received the ring yesterday in the mail. Thanks, it is beautiful!!! The easiest prize I have ever won in my life!


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    • leeann6107 wrote Aug 19, 2008

    • I have been married for 23 years. I met my husband when I was 19. I think having kids does intensifie stress on a marriage. My husband and I have great marriage. I love hanging out with husband. We get along very well. The trouble we have is our son doesn’t treat us to great these days. I have three other kids no problems with them. They are loving and kind and very helpful. If anyone is going through hard times raising a child. please let me know. Thanks ladies for all your stories.


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    • yana wrote Aug 19, 2008

    • I think it’s important to set boundaries and even more important to be consistent about them.

      How old is he? Team sports and controlling friends always helped me raising my kids.

      Having said that it’s easier said than done.

      Lots of luck to you and your hubby.

      Don’t give up, they do outgrow their stages.

      Yana


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    • joey wrote Sep 10, 2008

    • I’m a nag, but I’m learning to talk to the dog. She just loves to listen. My husband laughs, and it is really helping our marriage of 25 years.

      I’ve learned that timing is important in talking with my husband. I never approach him when he walks in the door. I simply say, “Hi honey“. He needs to relax because he talks with people all day.

      Important:
      We as parents are models for our children. When we bicker or fight, they worry.


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