The importance of self-esteem is one of those unavoidable realities. All of us are impacted by our self-esteem, whether we recognize it or not. High self-esteem allows us to respect ourselves and makes it much more likely that others will respect us as well. When we feel good about ourselves we are much more able to successfully handle life’s challenges. We will also be much more likely to enjoy the good times.

Almost everyone struggles with self-esteem some of the time. Even the seemingly over confident braggart is probably compensating for a bit of self-doubt. Then there are those for whom high self-esteem seems like an impossible dream. Since self-esteem is so important and affects every aspect of our life, how do we “take the bull by the horns” and lift ourselves up?

One of the easiest ways to have high self-esteem is to have parents who have high self-esteem. Unfortunately many people do not have that luxury. But we are not doomed to stay stuck in low self-esteem. We each have a responsibility to first become aware of the state of our self-esteem and then, if we have found ourselves wanting, we need to accept the responsibility to do what it takes to raise our self-esteem.  

How can we tell if someone has high self-esteem? There are several observable behaviors that tend to indicate high self-esteem. The interesting thing is that for those with low self-esteem, behaving like you have high self-esteem can actually raise your self-esteem. There is something about disciplining yourself and practicing these six telltale self-esteem behaviors that helps you to raise your self-esteem.

1. Wake Up in Your Life
Get to know yourself. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings; get to know your preferences and opinions. Allow yourself to seek reality checks and be willing to see and correct mistakes. This means snapping out of autopilot and being present in your own life.

2. Accept Yourself
Accepting yourself does not mean pretending that you are perfect. You can accept yourself and still want to change something about yourself. The reality is that we can never change that which we resist. When you hate parts of yourself, you will find that you have given those parts incredible staying power. Self-acceptance is the foundation for growth.


3. Take Responsibility for You
You are responsible for those things that are within your control—your thoughts, your words, your action, your values, your happiness . . . You are not responsible for those thing outside your control. Stop waiting for someone to rescue you, to make you happy or whatever it is you are waiting for and be there for yourself.


4. Stand Up for You—Be Assertive
This is your life and if you sell yourself short to please others your self-esteem will suffer. Accept that your needs and wants are important. Muster the courage to stand up for what is important to you. Start small and work your way up.


5. Live Purposefully
Set and achieve goals. It is not the achievement that is important; what is important is that the process of achieving feels real good. These feelings of satisfaction will boost your self-esteem.


6. Strengthen Your Integrity
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If your behavior contradicts something that you value or believe, you look bad in your own eyes. Self-esteem is about what you think of yourself. Living with integrity or practicing what you preach helps you to raise your self-esteem.


The formula to raise your self-esteem is simple, but not easy. If these behaviors are not a natural part of your life, it will take some persistence and practice to include them. But adopting these behaviors will reward you in every aspect of your life. According to Nathaniel Branden, “To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.”