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Mean Girls - Everyone Seems to Have a Story


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This week, my daughter had stomach aches on and off and didn’t want to eat or go to school. At first I thought maybe something had happened in school. She kept telling me that nothing is bothering her.

She was fine when not in school, but the second we started talking about school her stomach would hurt.

This morning was no different – she didn’t want to go to school and said her stomach hurt. I decided to take her to the doctor to get checked – even though my instincts were telling me she was upset.

First, the nurse came in. Took her temperature and asked her a few questions. She asked her a few questions about the girls at school and my daughter said sometimes they are mean sometimes they aren’t – it didn’t really bother her (this I believed – she usually tells me when it does). The nurse looked at me and said “I have 3 daughters, this is just the beginning. There will be a lot of stomach aches, and your stomach will hurt too.”

Great.

Then the doctor came in. She started asking my daughter similar questions. She asked her what grade she is in (4th). The doctor looked at me and said “Just wait until 7th.”

Great again.

As it turned out, my daughter did have a physical problem. She hadn’t “gone” in a while and her pains were real. She didn’t want to go to school because she didn’t want to have to go to the nurse if her stomach hurt.

She’s had a problem with this her entire life. I was relieved in a sense that it was just that, and the doctor gave some good advice.

In the meantime, I was left feeling a little stunned. Does every mother have war stories about girls being mean to their daughters??



Member Comments

    • merlot63 wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Annie,

      Girls can be unbelievably mean…  

      My latest war story:  I few months ago my 11 yo was invited to a birthday party.  The rule in our school is that if you invite more than a handful of kids you need to invite either the whole class or all the boys/girls.  So this friend of my daughter invited all the girls.  My daughter came home crying really hard.  Turns out that all the girls but her and another girl were invited to sleep over, and the other girls played along by hiding their sleeping bags and stuff.  

      I thought my heart would break for her.  I turned to the best solace I know…  I told my oldest daughter to get dressed and I took them both out for desserts.  By the end of the evening my daughter was smiling and saying that at least food-wise she got the better deal. BTW (or maybe most important), today she and the other girl are good friends again.

      Good luck!


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    • annie123 wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Irit –

      Some people just don’t think. Sometimes you wonder where the parents are in this? Yes, the children are old enough to make some decisions, but is there any guidance?

      It was really big of your daughter to get past it.

      Thanks for sharing it.
      Annie

      ______________________

      This is my opinion. My opinions are in no way representative of those at the company where I work. This is just my opinion.


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    • daphne wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Annie,

      I have two daughters…18 & 15.  Throughout their lives, i have witnessed and heard about some pretty awful things they’ve had to endure at the hand of this “friend” or that “friend“.  Girls will use information against one friend to make another, boundaries are nearly non-existent.  Life-long friendships appear to be a thing of the past…what-can-you-do-for-me-today and can-someone-else-do-better seems to be the theme amoungst elementary, middle and high school girls.  I’m hoping that my 18-year-old will meet some nice girls at college who are interested in developing friendships based on trust and acceptance.

      One piece of advice that i give my two daughter is this…do NOT trust people with information that you do not want pedaled.  One a few occasions, my oldest was burned badly for confiding in a “friend” only to have the information shared in a way to hurt her.

      As a mother, i make myself available to my children so they know that there is at least ONE person on the planet who they can trust.  Be the confidante that your daughter isn’t likely to find in school but don’t push it.  The less pressure you apply, the more you will know.  Just being there, physically and emotionally, is what they need.  It’s a tough one for me, but sometimes i just have to accept something they say without sharing an opinion.  

      Also, my neice shared something with me years ago that i remembered when i found that it applied to me…she told me that it drove her CRAZY when her mother held grudges against her friends longer than she did.  Once your daughter is “over” a misdeed by one of her friends, do not comment negatively.  More than likely, your daughter will find out the quality of her friends over time.

      Good luck…being a kid these days ain’t for sissies!


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    • annie123 wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Daphne –

      Thank you for such great advice! I know I have many good and challenging things ahead. It’s great to hear from women who have been through this.

      Annie

      ______________________

      This is my opinion. My opinions are in no way representative of those at the company where I work. This is just my opinion.


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    • chocolatier wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Annie, this one tugged at my heart. I was horribly bullied in school by one person in particular who made grammer school so bad my mom had to send me to Catholic school to get away from her. There were other bullies but she was the worst. After my breakfast each morning I used to go and throw up because I was so scared to go to school and face her. And when you talk about her digestive issues, that has been me my entire life. I went to camp once and didn’t use the bathroom for nearly a week.

      I so feel for her and for you as her loving mom.

      I want to recommend a book called “Best Friends, Worst Enemies.” It’s by Michael Thompson. I’ve recommended the book somewhere on this site but can’t remember where. He’s a psychologist who specializes in the psychology of children and also wrote the book “Raising Cane.”  We know him and have heard him speak in a small, intimate forum with parents. He’s amazing!

      Good luck
      Cynthia


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    • annie123 wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • Cynthia –

      Thank you for the book suggestion. I will check it out.

      Annie

      ______________________

      This is my opinion. My opinions are in no way representative of those at the company where I work. This is just my opinion.


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    • annie123 wrote Oct 11, 2008

    • I’m posting the link for the book Cynthia recommended, in case anyone was to check out the reviews.  

      ““:http://www.amazon.com/

      ______________________

      This is my opinion. My opinions are in no way representative of those at the company where I work. This is just my opinion.


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    • desi~lu wrote Oct 26, 2008

    • Here is my story.  My daughter is only five and already has the little girls ignoring her and not wanting to talk to her.  She has been spit on by one girl a couple of times.  It seems it starts earlier and earlier.

      My daughter is a real people person and high maintenance meaning she always wants the attention.  Part of the problem is she has beautiful, blond, naturally, very curly hair.  She has gotten attention from the day her hair started growing in because of the curls.

      She’s getting older, people don’t give her near the attention because of her hair anymore.  I think that has been hard for her.


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