MOTHER NATURE, DIVORCE AND THE EVER-READY BUNNY

The guilt factor is like the Ever-Ready Bunny.  It just keeps going and going and going.

I innocently pick up the morning newspaper, with a nice hot cup of coffee in hand (I should probably feel bad about that).  And, lo and behold, the heading:  MOTHER NATURE AND DIVORCE.  Okay, no need to jump to any conclusions.  

However, as I read on, the pit in my stomach takes root and I can feel a guilt tree growing.  I read the following:

“A married household actually uses resources more efficiently than a divorced household,” said Jianguo Liu, an ecologist at Michigan State University whose analysis of the environmental impact of divorce appears in this week’s online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Well, goodie goodie for them, those environmental politically correct first married couples.  Not only am I divorced, I’m remarried which means I’m really screwing up the planet.  My carbon imprint is HUGE:  Kids back and forth between two different homes on both sides.  Think of the gas, the electricity, the garbage…there’s lots and lots of garbage…and all the paper used in therapy bills.

I’m not green—not even close to it and I’m red with shame.

I read on:

“People have been talking about how to protect the environment and combat climate change, but divorce is an overlooked factor that needs to be considered,” Liu said.

Who is this Liu person?  He must have been raised Catholic.

Vanity Fair comes out with a “green” issue once a year that focuses on global warming.  I bought this standout magazine before I learned that I was and will always be a complete failure at saving the planet.

It didn’t hurt that Leonardo DiCaprio was on the cover.  I digress.  The magazine was chock full of information, mostly scary and some helpful.  Great tips were given on how to be more environmentally aware.

So, what do I do now?  Should my husband and I call our ex-spouses and tell them a terrible mistake was made, and for the sake of our smoldering earth, we need to get back together?

And what should we do with the new spouses?  And, how will we explain this to the kids?

Maybe a commune is the answer—combine all the households for the sake of efficiency and conservation.

It’s a brilliant idea.  We’d all kill each other before the week was out.  And think of how much that will save the planet!  We’ll just have to tell our relatives that nothing but a “green cremation” will do.

Mary

Married with baggage