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I thought we'd discussed everything...
10 posts, 9 voices , started 3 months agoPosted on Thursday, August 21, 2008 by diony
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dionySilverOffline
I’ve been re-married for nine years, to an amazing guy I met on-line. I was living in Alaska, he, in Utah. We both had gone through difficult divorces and had children from our first marriages. He had a daughter and a son, and I had four sons.
We had a wonderful courtship, both knowing from the first time we met in person there was a connection. We dated for six months, the majority through emails and telephone calls, my two trips to Salt Lake, together in Kansas, and his one to Alaska. Technically we were married on our fifth in-person date. Because so much time was spent talking, we assumed we had discussed everything important as well as how we would handle our “new family.”
The first year was quite a struggle, and if we hadn’t been so committed to each other we would not have made it through. Being step-parents to each other’s kids was a whole new ball game, even for me who had grown up in a blended family. There were lots of tears and second guessing, but I’m happy to say each year that has passed-we’ve only grown closer and our marriage, stronger. We still have bumps in the road, even some deep holes but we’ve found our rightful place in the lives of our seven children (we had one together) and realized some things just don’t matter and not worth an argument.
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SilverOffline
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It is comforting to know that I have yet found another person who met their spouse online.
I met mine almost 5 years ago and most of our courting period were on MSN and over the telephone. It being transatlantic, you can imagine the cost of our phone bills!
We finally met in Paris, France. Spent about 10 days together and talked about almost everything. Though this is his second marriage and first for me, I am still navigating through this adventure with wonder, fear, doubts – anything to wanting to make this relationship successful.
I don’t have children yet because with the bitter custody battle that he is going through. I feel to bring another child into this web of uncertainty is just not wise now.
I do want children. I like the idea of little me and him running around the house and caring for them. But with what has been going on, I still wonder if I have the patience and strength.
I have always admired other mothers doing it.
Like you, I pick my battles – not because I want to be right but because it matters to me.
I don’t know if we have grown closer but I have often realize that we have become a team when it calls for it.
I’m still young at this. I hope to mature.
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PlatinumOffline
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Hello Diony,
You don’t hear a beautiful story like this everyday.
I am so happy for you that you found your match, someone that will be able to compliment you and be a father and accept your children like you accept and love his.
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GoldOffline
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Second Marriages, (with children from a previous marriages) are NOT EASY . I would agree that when you and your HUSBEND are committed to oneanother, the struggles make you stronger and the relationship blossoms!
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GoldOffline
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I too met my husband online and though we too have bumps in the road he is the BEST man I have ever met. He is kind, loving and a wonderful father to our four year old son.
It was a first marriage for both of us. I was 34 and he was 39. I am so glad I waited for the right man to come into my life…at 34 I was really wondering if it would happen for me.
Congratulations on doing what it takes to make it work.
Trudy
www.maximizeyourlife.usTrudy
Nutritional Cleansing Consultant and Coach
Isagenix(R) - Real People. Real Results.
www.MaximizeYourLife.us
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SilverOffline
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I met my husband who was divorced with two children and I was divorced with one child. We have battled a lot with step parenting. I find it a lot easier as his children do not live full time with us. But he after 14years still has a problem adjusting to my daughter from my previous marriage and it puts an awful lot of strain on our marriage. We have had one child together now who is 12 years old already. My daughter is 15years old now. But he treats her so differently and I find it very difficult to accept this after him being her father for the last 14 years.
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SilverOffline
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Kendall,
Sorry to hear that, it sure can be difficult blending a family. Honestly though will it ever be the same? I’ve been married over nine years and my youngest children were three-and-a-half and twenty-two months when my second husband and I were married. My three-year-old is now thirteen and he still doesn’t feel like he is on equal footing with his step-brother two years older—my husband’s bio son. It’s a hard one. My two step-children and I have had our ups and downs and they definitely have earned their own place in my heart, but I can’t say it feels the same as it does with my bio children even though I love them all. I think it involves coming to terms with the relationship for what it is, and accepting that. My husband and I have the same rules for all our children and try to give them the same opportunities and attention but understand the bonds are different. We’ve learned that is okay. I used to feel as if my husband was critiquing everything I said and did with his bio children and that it was never enough. As he learned to let my relationship with them develop naturally without pressure it has grown much stronger.
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SilverOffline
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I met my husband online three and a half years ago. Although my first marriage relationship was not good my biggest claim to fame was that I was a wonderful mom. Motherhood seems natural to me, teaching values, consequences, etc. it makes sense to me and it seems easy. I have two grown sons who are college educated successful good men. I feel I did (do) a good job. My husbands has two sons also. His first wife walked out when his youngest was 2, she was pregnant with another mans child. So he found tall, thin, attractive wife number two to step in who was unable to have more children and became a raging alcoholic who was abusive to his boys, and walked out 4 yrs ago. Then I enter the picture. This is SO much harder than I had imagined. I absolutely adore my husband. But he does not follow through, create boundries, have expectations like I do as a parent. He wants me involved in decisions but if I make suggestions he gets really defensive and he gets mad at me instead of making the kid have consequences….I am the diversion…. His children live with us. The oldest is 19 and the youngest is 15 and has his father wrapped around his finger. I have become the woman who washes the clothes.
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PlatinumOffline
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Diony,
just read your very poignant book-about to review it. You told a captivating story. Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of reading it for review.
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