Pressures about money can put a damper on your love life. The men in our lives often burrow into a hole when the economy is in trouble and it can be lonely in there. Your own worries about money aren’t exactly the best aphrodisiac around either.

In the last several months, I have been on a journey to actually create a relationship with money itself. No, I haven’t sat across the table from a hundred dollar bill yet, as one of my jokester buddies suggested, but I am comparing my relationship to money to a close friendship and it led me to some interesting discoveries.

When I looked at how badly I treat money compared to a BFF, I was amazed and it changed my perspective. How long would your BFF be your BFF if you treated her like this:

1. Hide her from your friends and family.

2. Ignore her day and night.

3. Use her without considering how she feels about it.

4. Dress her in a crummy old outfit (wallet).

5. Worse yet, let her roll around in the bottom of your bag with nothing on at all!

6. Never tell her your secret longings and hopes.

7. Never give her gifts or surprises.

8. Never trust her to do the job she was created to do.

9. Never inspire her to dream big and fly high.

10. Never tell her how much she means to your life.

If you choose to begin a relationship with money, you will see the world much differently and you will also attract friends who do the same! You will also unlock a valuable part of your inner game plan.

Your confidence with money will change how the people in your life look at you, that man included!

“I am going to be in town for a couple of days and I would love to see you.” the familiar voice said hopefully.

Instantly I am flooded with emotions both good and bad. We had been broken up for a few months and I had been trying to evict him from my mind ever since.

Unbidden, thoughts about him and how hot the sex was, how beautiful I felt when I was with him, how romantic it was to sip wine at sunset, had been running through my mind for weeks. My brief fling with him had been the most fun I’d had in years!

Now here he was, breezing back into my life and inviting me to reconnect. I knew my friends would be shocked that I was even considering it, so I didn’t telling anyone he called. There were so many parts of our time together that were very good. Why did we break up anyway?

Does this ring a bell? This exact scenario happened for me several years ago and I chose to say no. It was an excruciating choice because the chemistry was ridiculous. (I would love to know why the wrong men can have such exciting chemistry…just not fair!) This is how it played out.

Gorgeous, exciting ex-flame is visiting my tiny apartment. Candles were lit, jazz was playing and he was doing his best to coax me into bed. “It is important to live in the moment,” he said to me, “Do what feels good now.” My new interest in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle not withstanding, somehow I knew he was pushing his agenda over my lackluster objections.

I was so tempted. He had asked me for a back massage which, of course, I agreed. I loved touching him and what harm could it do? Ha! As I rubbed the oil on his back, he kept gently encouraging me to respond to my natural arousal and seal the deal. What a pickle!

Somehow, in the middle of this highly charged situation, I said to myself first and then to him, “Wait a minute. Just hold up here. I want to think about what is right for me.”

I went across the room, sat in a chair, closed my eyes and pleaded with my Inner Wisdom, “Please help me know what to do. I want this man but the red flags are waving madly! What should I do?”

I was hoping I would get a clear yes (dreamer!) or a clear no but what I got was the most amazing and calming answer.

“Whichever choice you make will be fine. You are going to be fine, no matter what.”

I laughed outloud and told him what I heard. He laughed too. I am sure he was hoping my Inner Guidance said yes, but he was absolutely wonderful when I told him I decided no. He had made it clear to me that he was not interested in a relationship with me and as much as I wished I could change his mind, I had to face the truth. Sex would be fun with him but I knew myself too well. I liked him more than that and a bootie call would send me into weeks of obsession! Bottom line, I want to be loved more than anything. Love has to be primary.

What about you? Are you facing a similar situation? A dear friend of mine always used to quip  “An ex is an ex for a reason” whenever I looked back at my ex-boyfriend. I would say the same to you. But, if you are not sure, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you feel a heart connection to this man? Do you really? Get quiet and allow the memories of your break up come back to you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how hurt and disappointed were you? If it is 6 or above. Stop for a moment and think about adding another disappointment to the mix. Does that work for you?

2. Are you obsessing about him? If you are, that is a symptom of an out of control mind. If you broke up, there was a reason for that. Jump into a new hobby or get outside and walk a couple of miles a day while listening to a book on tape. Take action to give your thirsty mind something to think about. An obsessive woman is not very attractive, not even to her friends.

3. What do your friends think? Trust your friends. Just like the Sex In The City girls, trust someone to talk to about this. Often your friends can see your situation more clearly. Yes, Carrie and Big got together, but that was a fairy tale. More times than not an ex is an ex for a reason and moving on is your best bet.

If you can’t get him out of your mind, don’t worry! There are lots of cool ways to occupy your mind while the next candidate comes across your path. Not to sound like my grandma but, there really are a lot of fish in the sea and there is someone out there for you.

If you are spending hours a day mooning over an ex, you sure can’t put too much energy into thinking the thoughts that will attract that new man to you.  Is that OK with you?

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. Click here and take control of your love life!

Hi Everyone,

This is a post from my special guest blogger, Morgana Rae. Sometimes the most difficult challenges become gateways for abundance! Enjoy!

“GRATITUDE unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~ Melody Beattie, Author

Gratitude: what a topic for a challenging period. Thousands have died in Iraq. Our economy is a mess. It seems like most people are challenged these days. What is there to be grateful for?

So much! I’m thinking that gratitude is not the same as saying “I’m happy and satisfied with how everything is.” It is the place to start. This is the best time to appreciate what’s working in our lives, so that we are better equipped to take on what is not. Ironically it’s in times of loss that we become most aware of what we actually have.

Few of you know that on November 7, twenty five years ago today, I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle to school. I was 16. I was in the hospital for a week, most of that time in a coma.

I never remembered the accident itself, but when I left the hospital I felt overwhelming gratitude for things that I had never thought about before. I couldn’t believe how fortunate I was that all the skin on my face was in tact! How thankful I was for every bone in my body that wasn’t broken. How amazing it was—given the severity of the head injury–I could still speak when I regained consciousness. How lucky I was to be alive!

I soon found I had trouble concentrating. When I returned to school, I couldn’t remember the pages I had just read. And I couldn’t analyze what I could remember. Skills and talents I had known all my life weren’t there for me anymore.

I didn’t sleep through the night for a year and a half. I had panic attacks constantly. The future I had taken for granted was up for grabs. I was suicidal. It was the hardest time of my life. And this brings me to my current gratitude:
Healing happens.

It really seemed like things would never get better. Doesn’t it always feel that way when you’re in that dark place? Eventually, the daily anxiety attacks became weekly, and that gave me hope. Then monthly. Then once every few months, and more progress. School work was hard. Everything went very slow. But it was always getting better, and I recovered.

I bring this up because what I am grateful for today is informed by where I’ve been. Bit by bit, I am manifesting everything I ever wanted. I still go through rough periods like everybody else. But when approaching the areas of life that are ready for change, it helps to start with the places of gratitude. It’s like a grounding exercise. Also, it’s hard to be proactive when you’re feeling like a victim.

1) An easy way to shift into gratitude mode is to start with an affirmation. The great thing about how our brains work is anytime you repeat something to yourself, your brain finds evidence to support what you’re saying. Here’s one I picked up in Kundalini yoga:

Healthy am I. Happy am I. Holy am I.

Try repeating this to yourself a few times aloud and silently. Notice how your feelings shift. Where is there truth in these statements?

2) Then take out pen and paper and ask yourself:
What is most important?
What are my talents?
Who are my allies?
What is the smallest thing that gives me joy?
What else do I have going for me?
What is possible for me?

3) Make a list of your current challenges. Find an opportunity in each one. It isn’t what happens to you that matters, it’s how you respond. See how those challenges can be transformed into blessings.

The first step to changing your world is to find the blessings in what already is. This is magic.

Morgana Rae, the Charmed Life Coach and Money Magic Queen, helps entrepreneurs attract more than they chase and RADICALLY change their relationship with money. www.abundanceandprosperity.com

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. Click here and take control of your love life!

“Should I go away and leave you alone for awhile?”

Sure doesn’t feel like an invitation for a romantic interlude.

Asking my husband this little question is my way of telling my man that I see he is trying to focus his attention on something else and that he is not going to be available to me in that minute. Isn’t that evolved of me?

He always laughs and allows me to disengage myself gracefully. Even though there are times I want his love and attention and I want it now, I am slowly learning to rein myself in.

If he grunts at me, or worse, gives me no response at all, thoughts of self doubt, rejection and disappointment rush into my mind. I hate feeling like that and so I used to press even closer, deeper and insist, many times passive aggressively, on his undivided attention.

Of course, the more I turned it up, the faster he closed down and shut me out. Before I knew it, I felt completely cut off.

It has been a real shocker to accept that it is me who cut myself out!

I know when he is engaged in his paper, certain sports on TV or his computer projects that he isn’t going to give me the attention I want, but I march right over myself and insist anyway. Not a good idea.

Being honest with myself has helped me see that I am not all that attractive when I am acting like a wounded 13 year old in my lame attempt to manipulate him into paying attention to me.

I also am better able to look at what will really make me feel better. I do need some options so that I can nurture myself wherever I can. When I have my personal needs in hand and am doing things to make myself feel better when I need to, he is much more likely to engage with me more often and with more focus. Yay.

Here are a couple of the ways that I am learning that are feeding my soul and plugging me into me.bigstockphoto_pouting_teenage_girl_3159910 Becoming self sufficient in the emotional needs department does not mean your man is totally off the hook. No, it means that when you are confident that your happiness is in your own hands, he will welcome opportunities to be with you and engage with you. I don’t blame him for not wanting to bond with a neurotic 13 year old, would you?

1. Write. I know you have heard about journaling for years and if you are like me, you have procrastinated a few years away not getting around to it. This time though, I have a specific assignment. Take one week and write a letter every day to seven of the people who have made an impact on your life. These are letters never meant to be sent, just gives you an opportunity to thank them.

2. Move. The diet and exercise community has created an ocean of guilt around exercise. The truth is, a part of your loves the feeling of the breeze on your face. A part of you loves fresh air. A part of you loves looking at the scenery. A part of you loves to walk instead of ride. Give that part the gift of your attention. Put a book on audio on your IPOD and listen while you walk. Tribes by Seth Godin is the best book you can be listening to right now.

3. Play. Get a checker board or deck of cards and start to play games with your friends. Instead of sitting there talking about what is not working or the latest gossip, play a game. Engage your mind and your companion in a brand new way.

4. Rest. There is a fabulous tool for physical rest that everyone should know about. You can get a “weighted blanket’ to lay under and create the deepest and most delicious body rest you can imagine. There is science around this that I can go into later, but take my word for it. If you are hyper like me, resting under a heavy blanket is nirvana! Go to http://www.weightedblanket.net/ and they will set you up.

5. Laugh. Rent your favorite comedies and watch them often. I love The Birdcage with Nathan Lane and Robin Williams and Liar Liar with Jim Carrey. Don’t wait for your man to want to watch them with you. Laugh hard and laugh long. You really can have fun by yourself.

My husband was leaving for golf this morning and I was doing my cute stuff, you know, wrapping my arms around him while he was trying to shave and pressing myself against him walking in tandem as he tried to leave.

I said, “I bet you will really miss someone hanging all over you while you are playing golf today!” He laughed and hugged me. He smiles at me with genuine fondness as he goes off to spend the day with his buds.

I know I matter to husband. I know he cares deeply about me. And I also know that he is relieved that I am able to provide so much of my emotional sustenance for myself. I am learning to enjoy my own company and you will never guess what has happened! I am becoming irresistible to him.

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. Click here and take control of your love life!

I have felt that way for a long time, I just didn’t know how to express it.

No one in my large family really gets me. There is always an underlying awkwardness that I reacted to by withdrawing and separating myself from the crowd. Family gatherings were painful and so we seem to have abandoned the effort. I have done fairly well without these connections over the years. Amazing what a person can get used to. But….

I received 75 birthday cards yesterday. Seventy Five!

Well, they were Facebook greetings on my computer, but they were received as if I were tearing open all the envelopes one by one. Some of the people sending greetings are old friends. One of them, my high school drama teacher, who I recently found on Facebook,I haven’t seen since 1970. Other friends are new. Most I have never met face to face. One was from a close family member.

Facebook is my new neighborhood. It has everything I want in a neighborhood. There are always people to interact with about any issue under the sun. It reminds me of life in Tower Dorm at Marquette University. No matter what time you came in, there was always a bevy of girls with rollers in their hair and cream on their faces ready to debrief you on your last wayward date.

It is a very polite neighborhood too. If I don’t want to be available, I simply disregard what is going on and check up on what other people are into that day. If it gets noisy, I just turn off the speakers. If people are rude, I can evict them from my neighborhood.

If I want to see pictures of a friend’s recent vacation or new grandbaby, I simply go to their Facebook page and not only do I get to see the photos, I can leave a note to let them know I stopped by. Yes, there are lots of grandmas and grandpas on Facebook!

It is easy to expand the borders of my neighborhood. Mari Smith, Pied Piper of Social Media, has a free e course that tells you how to get started. I wish I would have had this fab how-to guide right from the start. She knows how to make it easy to meet your new neighbors. You can get the basics by signing up for the free ecourse at http://www.marismith.com/ I will be interviewing Mari soon so watch your mailbox! I can’t wait for my neighborhood to meet Mari!

If you are already a member of Facebook and want to use it to expand your business, you will be astounded at the atmosphere of positivity you will find in your new neighborhood. Internet business is taking the world by storm. There is a new paradigm, a new business model that you can’t afford not to know about.

If you want to be part of the slim percentage that is still making money in this economy, you will save yourself headaches, belly aches and wallet aches if you invest in Social Media Simplified, a DVD series on how to maximize your business on line. The internet is the new marketplace….make it your neighborhood!

While all of the perks of living in this new neighborhood have been surprisingly profitable for my business, by far the best part is feeling connected to people who care enough to send the very best, their heart felt messages, a bit of themselves, over the miles. You see, I didn’t get any cards in my real mailbox on my birthday.  I know for sure that my birth family loves and cares for me. We are just completely disconnected from one another and out of each others loops.

What I Know For Sure (Thanks Oprah!) is that the feelings that I used to think could only come from my birth family; the feeling inside of being respected, admired and liked; the precious feeling of knowing someone get you, is available from literally thousands of other people you haven’t met yet.  There is something to this Tribe idea (thank you Seth Godin).  When one tribe doesn’t get you, there are countless other ones you can find that will!

I feel included. And for a girl who has had more of her fair share of exclusion in life, that feels amazing. 75 people took a moment and wrote a birthday greeting. It was the best birthday party ever.

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. Click here and take control of your love life!

“Hmmmmm?”

I said as I realized that my man had just said something to me and I had not heard one word of it.

“Yes, Larry,” He said, “That is a great idea, I think we should do that.”

I snapped into the present and looked at him. He was doing what I do when I can’t get his attention.

I was busted and I knew it. Better yet, he knew it.

I feel an inner stab of pain whenever I say something to him and get no response. Even worse is when I say something and he starts another conversation. I don’t address these missteps every time they happen. Truth be told, I don’t like bringing them to his attention, but I am learning that if I am experiencing that stab of pain, it is ok for me to do something about that.

So when my man was able to gently show me how inattentive I was and could laugh about it, it was one of the most loving gestures I have felt from him in a long time. Seeing that my new communication choices are making a difference for both of us feels really good.

It was hard for me to hear him say that when I am talking about my latest passion, that he feels that is all I want to talk about. It IS all I want to talk about but knowing he feels that way, I can make a plan for what I need to feel heard.

1. Create A Tribe: (Thanks Seth Godin!) Fortunately I am well on my way and have a small but growing tribe around me who see my vision and love to brainstorm and enthuse with me about what I see happening in my business and in my tribe. My intuition is getting stronger every day and when I feel inspired to pick up the phone and call someone to chat, I am much more likely to call someone who loves my dream as much as I do. I don’t need my man to be that for me.  Tuning in to how much I talk about my own interests is helping me see myself from his eyes.

2. Create Ground Rules: My man doesn’t talk on the phone as much as I do. Does anyone? Wait until I get my I Phone! My business is conducted on the phone and because of time zones, I can have several phone calls in a day. When questioned about how much time I am on the phone, I chose to lay out the agenda of my phone use to him clearly and succinctly. I also make sure he knows that I am prioritizing him always in my planning.

3. Create A Social Schedule With Your Man: As my business is picking up, I am scheduling time with my man right into my weekly calendar. When I met him, he was divorced for 13 years and loved his alone time. I am the same way. When I know I have him on Friday and Sunday this week for doing our fun stuff, I can focus on my other tasks more clearly. He is not as likely to feel left out of my life when he knows that I am choosing my time with him especially.

4. Create Connection: I also noticed that sometimes when I really WANT to tell my my man what is developing in my business or in my personal transformation, I don’t need him to give me 100% of his attention for an hour, not even close. Thirty seconds of focused attention does more for me than hours of me babbling a way while he looks absently over my shoulder. Each of us has clues to find the heart space with our men so that we can feel connected.

When Larry busted me last night about my own disconnect from him, I could see it for what it was and I thanked him and could apologize open heartedly because I hate it when it happens to me. We talked about it and he was able to explain that I tell him more than he wants to know about my business. Instead of being hurt, I heard him. We were connected.

Just telling him, “I just want to engage with you for a couple of minutes” is often all it takes to bring more consciousness to each other. When we are connected, I feel loved, and I love that!

5. Play Checkers: Well, that might not be your first choice, but I decided I wanted to play more games with my husband. I had suggested a few times and it didn’t happen. I was frustrated but I decided to walk around the frustration and just get a game out. I asked if he wanted to pick the first game or should I. He asked me to pick. I got the checker board. I can’t even remember the last time I played checkers. It was great. Took about 20 minutes for one game. No rematch. Just 20 minutes of time focused on something completely new for us. Nice and really easy!

Noticing that you are disconnected from your man is valuable information. Your intuition and imagination will help you find ways to tune to him. These inner senses are just waiting for you to engage them. Try these five steps for now. Before long, you will be coming up with your own ideas! I can’t wait to hear how you find ways to create new connections with him!

Looking for more ideas on how to enhance your relationship? Would you like to feel more loved and cherished? Maybe your Love Set Point is set too low. Click here and take control of your love life!