Everyone knows that you can’t eat ice cream in the winter. Everyone that has a Jewish mother that is.  The reason is simple – if you eat cold food you will get a sore throat.  Didn’t you know that?

And so, ever since I was a little girl, every fall we would bid farewell to ice cream and popsicles, and welcome the Krembo season. Krembo (krem = cream, bo = inside), the winter ice cream replacement, is a treat consisting of a cookie topped with cream similar to the marshmallow fluff (the kind you can buy in jars), covered by a very thin layer of chocolate. You can get Krembos with mocha filling and I hear they make other flavors too, but the original and by far most popular Krembo flavor is vanilla.

Like Oreo cookies, a Krembo can be eaten in several ways.  My favorite is holding the top with one hand, separating the cookie from underneath (this is VERY tricky!), and eating the cookie first.

These days you can get ice cream in Israel during the winter too, and truth be told, I like ice cream much better. But every year, as fall approaches and Krembos show up in the stores, I treat myself to a Krembo, and for a few minutes I’m a kid again.

By the end of our trip invitations were issued, logistics discussed, and tentative plans made.  As we said our goodbyes I knew I was going to take my chances with this man.  Of course I didn’t tell him that immediately, I let him wait a few weeks before I gave my final answer.  You know me by now, I’m a tease.

Back home, my good friends, the ones who were there for me since the beginning of the story, didn’t share my excitement.  Time and again they told me I was making a huge mistake. “He broke your heart twice before.  Don’t be stupid. If you go you’ll be all by yourself, we won’t be there to help you pick up the pieces“.  I knew they meant well, but it was my decision to make.  

And so, on February 15  1993, I was back at the airport,  my whole life packed into 2 suitcases.  Whatever I couldn’t fit in my luggage was either left at my mom’s house, or given away to my friends under the condition that I will get it back if things didn’t work out and I came back.  I was ready to started my new life.

The first few months weren’t easy.  After living by myself for so many years I had to learn the art of living together with someone. I missed my friends and my family.  I had 3 months to find a job before my visa expired, and somehow I wasn’t sure things were going in the right direction for us.  The guy wasn’t as affectionate as I hoped he would be, and didn’t want to commit yet. At times it felt like we were roommates.  Several times I was ready to board the plane back.

Things started to look up when I finally found a job that would sponsor my work visa. With one of the main stress factors gone, I felt much better about myself.  

In August, while I was still waiting for my visa, my brother got married and I flew back to Israel for the wedding.  My visit was supposed to last a week, but I ended up staying for 4 weeks until all my visa issues were resolved.  The day before I flew back I talked to my guy’s mother, and she told me he missed me very much.  “He is ready“, she said “you just have to get there and set the date“.

And so it was. A few nights after I came back,  he asked me if I would like to have kids with him.  When I commented that there was one step I would rather take before that, he said:“OK, then let’s get married“.

On December 14 1993, surrounded by 16 of our closest family members and friends, most of whom arrived from Israel for the occasion, we got married. As weddings tend to be, it was a very emotional event for me.  I cried when the cantor spoke about my dad being somewhere out there very happy for me and I cried when my new father in law gave a toast saying “we finally have the daughter we always wanted” (my husband being the oldest of 4 boys).  

But there was one surprise yet to come. After the dessert dishes were cleared I asked my brother, who was our video photographer, to start the camera rolling.  My new husband and I stood up, each holding an identically wrapped small package. I looked around at the people surrounding us and took a minute to absorb all that love.  Finally I took a deep breath and started by thanking our guests.  I told them how much we appreciated the fact that they came from so far away to attend our wedding, then turned to our mothers and told them we have a small gift for them. I handed a package to his mother, as he handed one to mine.  As they were opening the packages the other guests tried to guess what was inside.  No one did. The packages contained small books.  Looking at the title, both mothers tried to hided their disappointment. It took a few seconds for the reality of what we were trying to tell them to sink in, but when it did, tears of joy started flowing again. The title of the books they were holding in their hands was “Funny, You Don’t Look Like A Grandmother“.  You see, the day before our wedding we received the best wedding gift of all.  We found out that we were expecting our first child.

THE END?

Are you kidding, it was only the beginning. But does anyone really want to read about “ever after“?

The phone rang as I was about to go to bed.

“Hey, I hear congratulations are in order. Your paper got accepted!”
“Thank you!”
“That’s really great! Say, are you coming just for the conference or do you plan a longer trip?”
“I’m going to visit some friends, spend a few days in New York then a few more days in San Francisco“.
“Is LA on your itinerary?”
“No, not this time. I think I had enough of LA to last me a while”
“Oh, OK.  So I have another offer for you.  One I hope you won’t be able to refuse. A friend of mine is attending the same conference as you and afterwards he and his girlfriend are coming down to LA and we are going on a trip to the Grand Canyon area together. I would be really happy if you joined us“.

Oh, I though to myself, this is what it’s really all about.  He doesn’t want to be a third wheel. He doesn’t want to go by himself when they are a couple.  Well, too bad for him.

“No, I think I’ll pass. My schedule for this trip is pretty full”
“I wish you would reconsider. I would like to discuss something with you”
“Well then, in that case I guess you’ll have to come up to Vancouver”

I smiled to myself as I drifted to sleep.  I was very proud of myself.

6:45am the next morning my phone rang again.  

“If we change our plans and go on a trip of the Canadian Rockies starting from Vancouver, will you join us?”
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea”
“OK, listen, here’s the deal. The thing I wanted to talk to you about, it is an idea I had. I’ve been thinking about it for quite a while now. I wanted to ask you to come here and live with me.  See if maybe we can have a future together. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I really want to try. I have a feeling we can make this work.  I really want to talk to you about it face to face.”
“Oh, and what about the magic that is lacking?”
“This is what this trip together is about. I think all we need is some more time together.  Things have changed for me.  Will you at least consider joining us?”
“Let me think about it and get back to you.”

I couldn’t help but wonder what brought about this change.  The answer came soon in form of a letter.

“You asked me on the phone what has changed, and I owe you an explanation.  You see, at the time of your last visit I was seeing someone.  A Israeli girl I met at school.  We were both outsiders, both of us missed home and she was like my life line.  Someone from home in the midst of all the strangeness.  When you told me you were coming for a visit, I was very excited. I was honest with her, and told her about you.  Since she and I weren’t committed to each other I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong. But she got really upset and shortly after your visit she went back to Israel.  See the irony? My relationship with you caused what I had with her to end, but what I had with her stood in the way of my relationship with you.  Confusing, I know.

I wanted you to know, that I think about you a lot.  We were never a “couple” so to speak, but there always was some kind of a connection, and a lot of respect on my side.  I don’t know what kind of a future you can build on respect, but I think it’s essential for any relationship. I know we have a lot fun together, and I think there is a great potential here.

I hesitated for a long time before I decided to ask you my question.  I know it’s a lot to ask, and there are no guaranties.  You told me on the phone that you are thinking about getting a PhD which makes things even more complicated.  I don’t feel I can ask you to give it up.

What a relief…  The ball is in your court now to do with it as you please.  It’s hard for me to go on writing without your feedback, that’s why I wanted to talk to you face to face.  I’m waiting to hear your decision”

The next day I emailed him, saying that I will join him and his friends on their trip.

Once again, plans were made. My guy’s parents were spending the summer in SF, and he planned to visit them before meeting the rest of us.  My first stop was NYC, and the other couple were coming from Europe.  We were all going to meet at the Seattle airport, rent a car, and drive to Vancouver the day before the conference started.  

How I love NYC!  I had a great time walking up and down the avenues,  constantly rehearsing my presentation in my mind (I was SO nervous about it!).  On my last night I went out with my friends, had a great dinner, drank some wine, and when we got home I set 2 alarms clocks just to make sure I didn’t miss my flight, scheduled to leave at 9am the following morning. Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes, looked at my travel clock  and almost got a heart attack. It was 8:45am.  The wine and jet lag hit me at the worst possible time.

Not knowing what to do I woke up my friends, and they took charge of the situation.  They sent me to take shower while they called the airline and made arrangements for me to take a later flight. In 30 minutes I was ready to leave, a taxi waiting for me downstairs. There was only one thing left for me to do.   I had to notify my friends that I would be late.  That meant calling my guy at his parents house at 6:15am PST on a Sunday.  Yes, that was my first conversation with my future father in law.

It was a very long day for all of us.  The other couple’s flight got delayed, I couldn’t get a direct flight so I was very late, and my guy drank many cups of coffee at a Seattle coffee shop called Starbucks.  Eventually we all made it to Seattle, rented a car and drove to Vancouver.  We got to our hotel at around midnight, and had to be at the conference at 9am the next day.  This time, since they all knew how irresponsible I was, my guy set his own alarm clock to 7am.  I was dead tired, and fell asleep immediately. Next thing I know, I opened my eyes, looked at my travel clock and almost got a heart attack.  It was 8:15am.  I woke up my guy hysterically telling him that we are going to be late.  He looked at his own clock and said “are you crazy? It’s 5:15am!“. Oops… I was still on NY time…

We did make it on time to the conference, my talk went well, and 3 days later we were on our way to the National Parks of the Canadian Rockies.  We had the most amazing 2 weeks. Most nights we camped out, each couple in his own tent.  We hiked a lot and saw beautiful sights.  But most important of all, there definitely was magic in the air, and this time I knew he felt it too.

This was supposed to be a hilarious blog.  I wanted to tell you about one of the benefits we get from work – an annual compete medical exam at “Mediton” – a Hilton medical facility located at fancy hotel. I wanted to describe my expectations, quiet private waiting rooms, soft knocks on the doors “the Dr. will see you now“, a lavish breakfast that we were to enjoy after fasting for 12 hours before having our blood drawn.

You would have been in tears laughing as I described the reality – one big waiting room, people going to and from the public bathroom outside the facility holding plastic cups with liquids in various shades of yellow, dazed and blinded by the light due to the eye drops we were given on our first stop to dilate our pupils.  The breakfast that consisted of hospital-like food with a big poster of the nutrition pyramid hanging on the wall.

Throughout the whole morning I was composing a blog that would have left you LOL and ROTFL.  

But that was before the gynecologist’s exam.  That was before I was told “put your finger right there, under your right nipple. Do you feel the hardening?  I suggest you have it further checked“.  This was followed by “there is nothing to worry, 80% of women your age have some kind of a cyst in their breast, but you should get a mammogram“.  That pretty much paralyzed my sense of humor.

So now my friends I need your collective wisdom. I’m completely freaked out.  Am I overreacting?

After reading his email, I sat for a few minutes, smiling to myself.  His message was short “You never told me you were planning a trip to the US! Any chance you will be coming to LA?“.  Finally I typed “Nobody in LA ever invited me…“. “Well, consider yourself invited” came a quick response. Mission accomplished.

The trip was planned for my school break in February, so I had a few long months to wait. Those months weren’t easy.  My thesis was stuck, the condition of my father, who was diagnosed with cancer the previous year, was deteriorating, and to top it all off, on the night of Jan. 17th, Saddam Hussein started sending Scud missiles our way.  Not wanting to be by myself when the sirens sounded (usually at night), signaling that we had to enter a sealed room and put on those horrific gas masks, I moved back in with my parents.  Throughout that horrible time, I had one thing to look forward to.  My trip.  We kept emailing each other daily, making plans for the 3 days I would stay in LA, and it was apparent that he was as excited about this visit as I was.  

As the date of my trip neared, I wasn’t sure if going was the right thing to do.  The Gulf War has not ended yet, and I felt bad about leaving everyone behind and going on a vacation when my family had to live with the daily missile scare. At the end I decided that this trip could determine my future, and I owe it to myself to go.

LA was my first stop.  The trip from Israel to LA took almost 24 hours, and I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep on the flight.  When I finally landed in LA I looked and felt like a rag.  And there he was, waiting for me, smiling.  He took my backpack from me, flung it over his shoulder, hugged/supported me with his other arm, and I felt very happy and content.  The next 3 days were a whirlwind of tourist attractions, good food, and hot nights.  It felt so good to be with him, so right! And best of all, there was no sign of anyone else, and believe me, I checked!  No extra toothbrush, no phone calls, just him and me. One thing bothered me though. He didn’t say anything about where we were going from here, and I was too shy to ask.  Finally, on our last night together I decided to take the lead and do something. I told him I was in love with him.  He didn’t reply.  The next day he dropped me off at the airport.

My next stop was a friend’s house in SF.  As soon as I arrived at her house, I told her the story. We rehashed the whole thing over and over again, and she advised me to call him and understand once and for all how he felt about me. With my heart racing so fast I thought it may explode I made the call.  The conversation took less than a minute.  “I told you something yesterday and you didn’t reply“. “Yes, I’m sorry.  I really wanted this to work, I was very excited about your visit. But the magic just wasn’t there for me anymore.  I’m sorry“.  I was crushed. It was Valentine’s day.

The rest of the trip consisted of lots of shopping therapy and self pity. I lost him for the second time.  I knew it was time to move on, and I knew that for my own sake I couldn’t keep in touch with him anymore.

My father passes away on April of that year.  I was very disappointed that he didn’t write or call me.  I was sure he knew because both his parents and brother came to pay their respect.  A while later I started dating someone.  I knew he was just my rebound guy and wasn’t the one for me, but he was really nice, and we had a lot of fun together.  Slowly my heart was mending.

By the end of the summer of 91 I was done with the research part of my thesis, and although I still had some writing to do I felt I needed a major change in my life.  I took a job in a different city, broke up with the guy I was seeing, and felt good about myself again.  I went on many blind dates, and was sure that somewhere around the corner there was someone  for me.  

And then, out of the blue, I received an email.  All it said was “are you not talking to me?“.  “we can talk” was my answer.  And just like that he re-entered my life.  But it was different this time.  I was in a better place myself, I knew I won’t let him break my heart again, and I knew I was strong enough to be just long distance friends with him.

A few more months have passed, I was done with my thesis, and one day my advisor called me with some great news. The paper I wrote was accepted to a conference in Vancouver and I was to go there and present it.  I was thrilled, and that feeling of accomplishment got me to start thinking about continuing my education and going for a PhD.  And I had another trip to plan!I I called all the friends I visited in America the previous year, telling them I’ll be in the area, making plans to meet.  All but one.  I wasn’t going to get my heart broken again.  Emails I could handle.  A face to face meeting was playing with fire.

A few weeks have passed, a new school year has started.  One day, as I  logged into my computer account at school I noticed a “You got mail” message at the bottom of my screen. You have to remember, this was 1990, when email was just in its infancy, so getting an email was kind of a mini surprise.  I started the mail program and discovered a short note from the guy, telling me that he has arrived at his destination, and asking how I was doing.  I answered him, and we started this flirty, fun, witty, correspondence, emailing each other almost daily.  Soon we started writing each other real letters too.  I used to rush home every day to check my mailbox (the real one!), reading and re-reading his letters countless times.  I could tell from his letters that he was lonely and pretty miserable, which of course made me very happy .  In his letters he mentioned all the people he met including three girls, but I got the impression they all were “just friends“.  

One day, I was having lunch with his best friend (who was in school with me),  when the guy suddenly dropped a bomb. “I heard our mutual friend in the US has a girlfriend, and it’s getting serious“.  He was smiling, trying to judge my reaction, probably knowing he was sticking a knife through my heart and enjoying it. The bastard! I almost choked on my food. I couldn’t swallow another bite.  How was it possible?  He missed me! I knew he was seeing other girls, but a girlfriend?  No, this must be a mistake!  This “friend” was probably just teasing me.  Or was he?

All day long I could think of nothing else.  I just HAD to know what was really going on. But How??? For the next few days I formulated my plan.  I was on a mission! I called several friends in NY and SF, telling them I needed a break from school. In a couple of days I had scheduled a ski trip to Vermont with my friend from NY, and had two invitations to visit friends in SF.  I was now ready to tell the guy about my planned visit.  It was just before Halloween which gave me a perfect opening.  I told him that my witch’s broom is taking me to visit some friends in the US.  I sent the message and waited, too nervous to do anything else but check my mail every 2 seconds. When his reply finally came, I took a deep breath and opened it. It took a long time to open.  I sat there,  my heart racing, wondering what his reply will be.  Was it an invitation?  An excuse why I he won’t be able to see me? a confession to having a girlfriend? I pressed the enter key again and again as if it would make a difference.  I was all out of patience!